Tales on Tuesday – Webinar, schmebinar

January 10, 2017

‘If I could do it, then so can you. And I WANT YOU TO HAVE THIS!!’ ‘Three years ago I never would have thought I’d have a successful company, but look at me today..!’ ‘You did WHAT?! Are you CRAZY? That’s what my wife yelled at me when she heard how much I invested in Facebook advertising, but boy did she change her tone when I took her to Tahiti two months later!’ ’16 steps to creating a winning Facebook marketing strategy’ ‘Great opportunity for ambitious entrepreneurs that want to grow their sales!’ ‘My 7 secret steps for getting better at EVERYTHING!!’ You want this, Sarah. Don’t you? DON’T YOU?!

This sad mess is my inbox currently. With it being January and a particularly kind of fresh sheet for me, I thought I’d use the in-between weeks that I’m in at the moment for some self-improvement. So I signed up for a few webinars.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

  • Webinar people want you to think of them as your friend. So they YELL AT YOU A LOT, and use many exclamation points.
  • Spelling doesn’t matter. You don’t need to know how to write properly to make money online, and that’s the only thing webinar people are here to do. SHOW. ME. THE MONEEEEY!!!
  • They give out free things (like the webinar, but the better ones also have e-books or loads of other things to gain your trust). The only thing they want from you in return is your soul. Or your email address.
  • A webinar lasts about 1.5 hours, of which the first 20 minutes is basically ‘Hello! Hey, answer this question I’m now posting on my Facebook, how cool is this? WOA, guys! Hundreds of comments within a minute, you are AWESOME!!!’
  • Wait, what? Hundreds of comments? Yes, it turns out there’s actually over 2000 people listening in to this live webinar, which is taking place on a random weekday morning, and is in Dutch. Even if only 1% will make the purchase at the end, that’s easy money!
  • There’s always a purchase at the end. There’s a big program with in-person training, which costs something like 20.000 euro. Lucky fur us, it’s also available online. You don’t get the personal factor, but everything else is EXACTLY the same, for only 3000 euro. HOWEVER. We are special people. We are actively working on ourselves. We are taking this webinar in our free time. That needs rewarding, and so, for everyone now tuned in to the webinar and for A LIMITED TIME OF 15 MINUTES ONLY we can get this online program for 350 euro. WOA.
  • Many people take this deal within minutes. Many others are freaking out about something that’s going wrong with their payment or because they can’t sign up altogether. PLEASE HELP, there’s only 3 minutes left and WE NEED THIS!!!
  • Time’s up, no more special deal. Oh, wait. After the webinar closes you receive an email with a link where you can still make the purchase, for the limited time of two more days.
  • Webinar people are rock stars. No, magicians! They create an illusion of something out of nothing, put on a great show and then finally give you a peek of a better, happier and more successful life that’s just behind the smokescreen. And everybody wants it. 

I did take away a few things that are actually useful and which I’ll try to implement in my life. First is no wasting time on random internet stuff: take a Facebook diet and stop checking your emails every five minutes. This is definitely something I need to work on. Second: you’ve got what it takes. Don’t use the fact that you’re not all-knowing as an excuse not to start. You’ll never know everything, so you’ll never start. Don’t take another webinar, there’s no need to sign up for another course… just do it! (Yes, that’s pretty ironic indeed.)

So far I’m doing pretty good. I haven’t signed up for any program or deal at the end of the webinars I took (just need to start things now (and figure out what to start exactly)), and yes, Facebook and email were a huge distraction, but since the webinars are no longer much of a problem. The webinar people have my email, and they’re really needy friends. I’ve become so annoyed with my inbox yelling at me in capitals every half hour or so that I’ve deleted it from my phone. And Facebook? Well, it works with amazing algorithms that now show me about four sponsored marketing related messages in every ten on my wall, which means that only one in thirty is even remotely interesting. I’m happy to announce that my millennial attention span is not long enough to reach that thirtieth message.

Now if only the webinar people can find a way to spoil my YouTube experience as well, then I’m all set to go kick some ass this year. I’d just do it!

 

Friday Favorite – Birambi message in a bottle

January 6, 2017

Friday Favorite - Birambi fresh start | http://weirdatheart.com/friday-favorite-birambi-message-in-a-bottle/

Loads of people seem to dislike January. I really don’t understand what that’s all about. ‘But Sarah,’ I hear you say, ‘it’s January. That cold and grey scumbag, that bleakest of months…’ Well, bullshit, that’s what I call that. If you’re going to be negative, it doesn’t matter what month it is. Of course there can be bad days, but to write off an entire month just on the idea that it will be a bad one, that’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. And a waste of four Continue Reading

2017 Travel Bucket List

January 4, 2017

2017 travel bucket list - morocco | http://weirdatheart.com/2017-travel-bucket-list/
New year, new places to visit. And although there’s actually not a whole lot of places that I wouldn’t want to explore, I’ve managed to collect a couple of destinations that I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to check out this year. Cheers to visiting many new places and doing loads of exciting things!

Continue Reading

Tales on Tuesday – When everything changes

January 3, 2017

When everything changes | a personal story about my breakup http://weirdatheart.com/tales-on-tuesday-when-everything-changes/
On January 1st, 2016 I found myself hungover from an amazing Great Gatsby-themed party where I celebrated NYE and my anniversary with Max (and won the prize for best costume – female!), and full of expectations for the new year after I had quit my job to redefine my purpose in life. Smack dab in the middle of a course to help me with that, I had great plans of starting my own business, writing a book, organizing events and turning travel into a way of live. I also dreamed of Continue Reading

Book Review: the Watchmaker of Filigree Street

October 31, 2016

The Watchmaker of Filigree Street | Like historical fiction, magical realism and Victorian London with (a generous) dash of Japan? This book is for you! http://weirdatheart.com/book-review-the-watchmaker-of-filigree-street/

They say not to judge a book by a cover, but when it comes to books, I always do. I’m judgmental like that. A good cover is what makes me notice a book on my round through the bookstore. If it doesn’t pique my interest, I’ll probably not pick it up. Not picking it up was not an option with The Watchmaker of Filigree Street though, as its cover Continue Reading

TV shows to watch this fall

October 26, 2016

TV shows to watch this fall - fall foliage
The leaves are slowly turning to yellow and red, wood stoves and hearths are fired up again, and the crisp air outside is just cold enough to put steaming mugs of hot chocolate on the mind. It’s the time to get cosy, or, as it’s so popularly called this year: for hygge. And although you should definitely go outside every now and then to check out the beautiful colors and work up an appetite for all the indulgent foods that are so abundant now, ’tis also the season for … Continue Reading

5 things to do on every city trip

August 12, 2016

5 things to do on every city trip - Geneva oldtown

 

On every city trip? It’s quite a statement, I know. No two cities are alike. But while I might be telling you to eat pizza in Naples, or squid in Thessaloniki – and order neither in, say, Tbilisi – there are a few things you should always do in order to get the most out of your visit, no matter what Continue Reading

Tales on Tuesday – Istanbul with Rambo

August 2, 2016

Tales on Tuesday - Istanbul with Rambo

There I go, my suitcase trailing behind me. The bus just stopped on the empty corner of a big square in the center of Istanbul, and as everyone else got off I thought it best to follow suit. I have no idea where to go, so I decide to move in the general direction of where the crowd seems to be. As usual, I’m ill-prepared. Continue Reading